A Wide Range of Emotion

Being Emotionally Fit or mentally healthy doesn’t mean always being happy. If you become sad, upset or angry, it does not mean you are emotionally unfit or are mentally unhealthy. Emotional Fitness is all about understanding your ability to choose rational thoughts that will lead to emotions that are appropriate under a particular set of circumstances. If the emotion you experience comes from rational thoughts, accept it, embrace it and learn to cope with it. This is what helps you to become emotionally fit--- you experience a wide range of emotions, are able to feel them, embrace them, express them and cope with them. If the emotion you experience comes from irrational thoughts, it is unnecessary, unhealthy, and destructive. This is what leads people to become depressed, overly anxious, or excessively angry.

Let me illustrate with a couple of examples. If a co-worker walks by you at work without acknowledging you, you might choose to think, “He’s mean; he doesn’t like me.” These thoughts could lead you to feel upset or angry or depressed. You need to ask yourself, “Are the thoughts I have chosen rational or irrational?” Let’s evaluate for a minute. Is this co-worker being mean or just human? Maybe he’s distracted and has a lot on his mind. Do you really know he doesn’t like you? You really don’t know the cause of his behavior. These thoughts are irrational and lead to emotions that are unnecessary and unhealthy. Let’s replace them with these thoughts, “He’s busy or in a rush; he didn’t purposely ignore me; I don’t always acknowledge every co-worker I pass by.” Now, how are you feeling? I’m guessing better---you are probably not upset or depressed.

Now let’s look at another example that illustrates how being sad or upset or frustrated can be very appropriate and doesn’t mean your not emotionally fit. On the contrary, when you are able to experience a range of emotions that are appropriate for the circumstances, you are much more emotionally fit than the person who avoids the situation and denies the appropriate feelings. Let’s say a good friend of yours moves across the country. You might feel sad under these circumstances. What thoughts did you choose that led you to feel sad? “I won’t be able to see her regularly; I don’t have a friend like her that I trust that much.” Are these thoughts rational or irrational? They seem rational to me, so we keep them, accept the sadness, embrace it, and learn to cope with it. I find learning to cope with these appropriate emotions typically involves the inclusion of additional rational thoughts. In this particular case you might choose to think, “I will keep in touch with her by phone and we’ll make the effort to get together periodically; I have other good friends with whom I can develop a deeper relationship.” The coping with this situation then extends beyond just choosing additional rational thoughts to choosing and acting on behaviors to improve your situation. Now go out and embrace those appropriate emotions that come from rational thoughts and you’ll be on your way to greater emotional fitness!