Free Yourself From Frustration In Relationships
Building on my last post addressing interpersonal relationships and their contribution to emotional fitness, I want to briefly address one of the most fundamental principles with relationships---You cannot control anyone but yourself. I see countless problems in marriages, families, work settings, etc. that suggest many people do not understand this principle. People are always trying to change others to think, act and, ultimately, be the way they want them to be. The outcome is never ending frustration because the other person typically resists changing.
Please do not misunderstand me, I am not suggesting in relationships you cannot seek compromise on various matters or offer your opinion. If something is blatantly wrong with a work project or someone is doing something dangerous, of course you should quickly interject your feelings in attempt to avert a disaster. The more common issue of which I speak in this post, however, is the notion "I'm right and you're wrong" and "It's my way or the highway!"
Most of the issues we face with others are not life threatening but rather are differences of opinion. Is your way better than the other persons? Let's say it really is. Let's pretend Google maps says your route to get to the meeting is 5 minutes faster. Do you want to breed contention with your co worker if she believes her way is faster? What if your spouse remembers facts from an event from last year differently than you do? Do you want to prove him wrong and chisel away at the foundation of your relationship?
What is at the root of this behavior is pride and, often times, insecurity. When you're prideful you always have to be better than the other person. When you are insecure you have a need to be right and get others to do it the way you think is best to briefly feed your insecure ego. When you are not prideful you can accept that you are not always right. When you are confident with who you are you are more likely to allow others to be who they are.
We would be well served to accept differences of opinion as normal and natural and as what makes life and relationships interesting and stimulating. We ought to consider ways in which we can build a person up and allow others their freedom to think, do and be what they want and not get all bent out of shape because they're not doing it the "right" way.