“I’m A Bad Person”

05/29/2017

A few years ago a young lady entered the hospital with depression and suicidal ideation.  When I first met with her to find out what was driving her depression she said to me: "I'm a bad person."  I asked her why she thought she was a bad person to which she responded: "I've done bad things."  I then told her that I have done bad things in my life too and I wondered how many bad things you had to do to become a "bad person." She informed me that she had done lots of bad things but was rather vague in her reporting.  I told her I wasn't too interested in what she had done in the past because my experience with her so far was fairly pleasant and I would not characterize her as a "bad person."  I said to her if she thought she was a bad person but I thought she was a good person we both couldn't be right so which one of us was right and which one was wrong?  

This gets to the root of my post today.  The way you see yourself is just the way you see yourself and is not a real entity outside of  your head.  I cannot tell you how many people with whom I have worked who see themselves as broken or damaged and truly believe they are bad.  I often have the opportunity to talk to family members and learn of numerous friends of these patients who all love them and think they are wonderful.   So who is right? You see their concept of self is just that---a concept that does not exist outside their head!  It is not a real entity!  In fact their friend's concept of them is also just a concept inside the friend's head and doesn't exist out in the world.   There may be a lot of overlap in different people's concepts but nonetheless they are just thoughts in people's heads.  These thoughts are what drive us everyday.  They determine our mood and our behavior and they are creating the world in which we live.  We all live in the same world yet it is different for everyone because of the thoughts we choose, particularly how we see ourselves.  

Building on my last post, the thought "I am a bad person" is an irrational thought and only leads to emotions that are destructive and unnecessary. A rational thought would be "I am a human and have made lots of mistakes just like everyone else; I have done lots of good things too;  I can start to change some of things that I do that are not good."   

Start today by choosing rational thoughts in the way you see yourself.  It will lead to emotions that are appropriate and the behaviors that follow will be constructive rather than destructive.